10月のお題 「金風」 |
9月のお題 「冷やか」
今日は台風が太平洋上を横断して、その影響で名古屋も小雨交じりの愚図ついた天気ですが、
秋本番、10月は秋晴れのいいお天気になることでしょう。書を捨てて、山海野へ出よう!!秋風に吹かれ、気持ちのいい陽気。自転車乗りにもいい季節になりました。
ということで。
10月のお題は「金風」
9月は何かと気忙しく、私自身も写真投稿が少なかったでのすが。
10月の「金風」投稿写真お待ちしております。
キッチンに金風の香り林檎かな
今日は台風が太平洋上を横断して、その影響で名古屋も小雨交じりの愚図ついた天気ですが、
秋本番、10月は秋晴れのいいお天気になることでしょう。書を捨てて、山海野へ出よう!!秋風に吹かれ、気持ちのいい陽気。自転車乗りにもいい季節になりました。
ということで。
10月のお題は「金風」
9月は何かと気忙しく、私自身も写真投稿が少なかったでのすが。
10月の「金風」投稿写真お待ちしております。
金風を追風として帰路に就く
稲畑廣太郎
ホトトギス
199910
金風の折目正しく曲り来る
武田菜美
銀化
200011
金風の蔵を背に羅陵王
環順子
遠嶺
200101
金風となりて醤油の香と共に
稲畑廣太郎
ホトトギス
200109
吹きひろげゆく金風や樟大樹
稲畑汀子
ホトトギス
200110
已が句集の校正送る金風忌
松崎鉄之介
濱
200112
金風の遠く近くを江戸囃子
大谷茂
遠嶺
200306
金風のはこぶ三味の音飛騨格子
大谷茂
遠嶺
200312
山頂に佇ち金風の鼻の穴
田中矢水
遠嶺
200401
金風の子を走らせて堂白し
坊城俊樹
ホトトギス
200403
ふるさとを去る金風の三瓶あり
竹下陶子
ホトトギス
200405
金風のルルドロザリオ繰る司祭
稲畑廣太郎
ホトトギス
200410
金風や君の心を紫に
稲畑廣太郎
ホトトギス
200410
金風やとつくり椰子置く相撲部屋
安永圭子
風土
200412
城山の金風おちて水湧けり
九万田一海
河鹿
200501
金風の靹を俳諧船出づる
竹下陶子
ホトトギス
200509
金風やときに鴉の役者顔
安達実生子
馬酔木
200511
金風の中に大日如来かな
谷岡尚美
槐
200512
金風にショーウィンドー輝けり
稲畑廣太郎
ホトトギス
200608
Tracked from 木の気持 at 2008-10-03 19:37
タイトル : 紅葉のはじまり
10月のお題 「金風」 標高2600ｍの千畳敷カールでは 今が紅葉の見頃らしい。 標高1000ｍぐらいでは まだまだです。 ほんの少しだけ、それでも 木々が色づき始めようとしています。 暑かったり寒かったり、体がついてゆけず、 風邪っぽい感じ。 ストーブ、使い始めました。...more
10月のお題 「金風」 標高2600ｍの千畳敷カールでは 今が紅葉の見頃らしい。 標高1000ｍぐらいでは まだまだです。 ほんの少しだけ、それでも 木々が色づき始めようとしています。 暑かったり寒かったり、体がついてゆけず、 風邪っぽい感じ。 ストーブ、使い始めました。...more
Tracked from 下坂中学校 写真部 Ⅱ at 2008-10-04 20:18 Tracked from 弥生が岡中学 at 2008-10-07 00:09
タイトル : 松茸 ｱｰﾄ風
10月のお題 「金風」 秋風=金風ですか？ 実りの秋だからかな。 松茸の収穫は金風、農家は結構な収入になるかも。 松茸はもらいもの。 仕上げはｼﾝﾌﾟﾙな焼き物に。 ...more
10月のお題 「金風」 秋風=金風ですか？ 実りの秋だからかな。 松茸の収穫は金風、農家は結構な収入になるかも。 松茸はもらいもの。 仕上げはｼﾝﾌﾟﾙな焼き物に。 ...more
Tracked from 木の気持 at 2008-10-09 21:29
タイトル : 幟、はためく
10月のお題 「金風」 新しい幟があがりました。 前の幟は明治１４年。（風参照） また１００年続くでしょうか。その記念すべき初めての日。 祭りは、真剣の舞もありますが いつもは氏子代表と、地区役員だけが集まるぐらいで 静かなものです。 ことしは、近くの保育園の園児と父兄も来ていたようで 少しだけ賑やかだったよ と、散歩がけに寄ったかみさん、写真を撮ってくれました。 奥に見える明治と書かれた幟は どうもコピーもので最近新調したものだと思います。 まだ確認していませんが。...more
10月のお題 「金風」 新しい幟があがりました。 前の幟は明治１４年。（風参照） また１００年続くでしょうか。その記念すべき初めての日。 祭りは、真剣の舞もありますが いつもは氏子代表と、地区役員だけが集まるぐらいで 静かなものです。 ことしは、近くの保育園の園児と父兄も来ていたようで 少しだけ賑やかだったよ と、散歩がけに寄ったかみさん、写真を撮ってくれました。 奥に見える明治と書かれた幟は どうもコピーもので最近新調したものだと思います。 まだ確認していませんが。...more
Tracked from 下坂中学校 写真部 Ⅱ at 2008-10-11 21:17 Tracked from 下坂中学校 写真部 Ⅱ at 2008-10-13 09:42 Tracked from 下坂中学校 写真部 Ⅱ at 2008-10-13 10:34 Tracked from 写真と空と自転車と at 2008-10-14 00:13
タイトル : しまなみ海道01 尾道ー因島ー生口島 081011
10月のお題 「金風」 4：20に起床、まっ暗な空には雨は降っていない、新幹線に乗るまでは降らないでおくれと思ったのも束の間、4：30から降り出した、しかもザーザーと音が聞こえるほど降って来た。新大阪まで走るのはやめて、最寄りの駅から環状線に乗って5：25まだ改札も開いていない新大阪に到着。6：00発のひかり441号で7：04 福山着、7：16の在来線で7：35尾道到着。雨は神戸を過ぎた辺りで降りやんで、尾道に着く頃には青い空も覗いて来た。 尾道からはフェリーに乗って、8時にはもう向島......more
10月のお題 「金風」 4：20に起床、まっ暗な空には雨は降っていない、新幹線に乗るまでは降らないでおくれと思ったのも束の間、4：30から降り出した、しかもザーザーと音が聞こえるほど降って来た。新大阪まで走るのはやめて、最寄りの駅から環状線に乗って5：25まだ改札も開いていない新大阪に到着。6：00発のひかり441号で7：04 福山着、7：16の在来線で7：35尾道到着。雨は神戸を過ぎた辺りで降りやんで、尾道に着く頃には青い空も覗いて来た。 尾道からはフェリーに乗って、8時にはもう向島......more
Tracked from sunday noise.. at 2008-10-15 14:50 Tracked from 写真と空と自転車と at 2008-10-15 22:33 Tracked from 木の気持 at 2008-10-15 22:57
タイトル : 森のステンドグラス
10月のお題 「金風」 私の恩師が かつて キリスト教会の建物のなかと 森のなかと 同じ感覚を受けた という 森林の話をしてくれたことがあります。 おおいかぶさる葉っぱを眺めると なんだか ステンドグラスの窓のようにも見えてきました。 パリ、ノートルダム・・・だったかな ...more
10月のお題 「金風」 私の恩師が かつて キリスト教会の建物のなかと 森のなかと 同じ感覚を受けた という 森林の話をしてくれたことがあります。 おおいかぶさる葉っぱを眺めると なんだか ステンドグラスの窓のようにも見えてきました。 パリ、ノートルダム・・・だったかな ...more
Tracked from 写真と空と自転車と at 2008-10-17 21:08
タイトル : しまなみ海道02 大三島ー伯方島 081011
10月のお題 「金風」 さわやかな香りが風に混じっている、金木犀となにか・・・・。瀬戸田はサイクリングロードに沿って山の斜面に柑橘系の果樹園が造られている。レモン、ミカン、デコポン、ハッサク、ラフランス・・・・この島は国産レモン発祥の地。 瀬戸田から大三島へ、多々羅大橋を渡って、時刻は13：30。このまま伯方島へ渡るのは早すぎるので、峠を越えて大山祇神社へ。記憶にはほとんど残っていないが30年前に来たことがある場所・・・・、ここは山の神、海の神、戦いの神、多くの武将が武具を奉納している......more
10月のお題 「金風」 さわやかな香りが風に混じっている、金木犀となにか・・・・。瀬戸田はサイクリングロードに沿って山の斜面に柑橘系の果樹園が造られている。レモン、ミカン、デコポン、ハッサク、ラフランス・・・・この島は国産レモン発祥の地。 瀬戸田から大三島へ、多々羅大橋を渡って、時刻は13：30。このまま伯方島へ渡るのは早すぎるので、峠を越えて大山祇神社へ。記憶にはほとんど残っていないが30年前に来たことがある場所・・・・、ここは山の神、海の神、戦いの神、多くの武将が武具を奉納している......more
Tracked from 下坂中学校 写真部 Ⅱ at 2008-10-19 20:44 Tracked from sunday noise.. at 2008-10-20 08:40
タイトル : 土岐・妻木流鏑馬ツーリング
10月のお題 「金風」 何十枚も写真を撮ったと思うのだが、ピンボケばかり。目の前を疾走する馬を撮るのは難しい。 先週の日曜日、twtrf2さんとyayoigaokaさん、久しぶりに名古屋組三人でのツーリング。この三人でのツーリングの前回は5月の木曽川渡し船サイクリング以来になる。 私が企画した今回のツーリングのテーマは「流鏑馬」。インターネットで見ていたら、土岐・妻木の八幡神社で「流鏑馬」の行事が行われるとあった。 馬フリークとしては、これは行かねば。まして......more
10月のお題 「金風」 何十枚も写真を撮ったと思うのだが、ピンボケばかり。目の前を疾走する馬を撮るのは難しい。 先週の日曜日、twtrf2さんとyayoigaokaさん、久しぶりに名古屋組三人でのツーリング。この三人でのツーリングの前回は5月の木曽川渡し船サイクリング以来になる。 私が企画した今回のツーリングのテーマは「流鏑馬」。インターネットで見ていたら、土岐・妻木の八幡神社で「流鏑馬」の行事が行われるとあった。 馬フリークとしては、これは行かねば。まして......more
Tracked from sunday noise.. at 2008-10-20 19:23 Tracked from 写真と空と自転車と at 2008-10-20 21:32
タイトル : 近江八幡まで、栗ぜんざいを食べに・・・・。
10月のお題 「金風」 今週は東吉野、高野山、山の中へ入って秋の野山を走って来る予定だった。超多忙の気分を吹っ飛ばそうと、6時に起きたものの、出発は9時。遅い時間の出発だけど、この時間から走るなら淀川を北へ、「琵琶湖をどこまで走れるか」第二弾でもやってみるか、まずは宇治まで50km、後はいけるとこまで・・・・。 快晴の青空、暑くもなく寒くもなく、ツーリングには最高のコンディション。いい気分で走り始める。無理をしないで、自分のペースではじめは25km/hで体を慣らして行く、ゆっくり1時間......more
10月のお題 「金風」 今週は東吉野、高野山、山の中へ入って秋の野山を走って来る予定だった。超多忙の気分を吹っ飛ばそうと、6時に起きたものの、出発は9時。遅い時間の出発だけど、この時間から走るなら淀川を北へ、「琵琶湖をどこまで走れるか」第二弾でもやってみるか、まずは宇治まで50km、後はいけるとこまで・・・・。 快晴の青空、暑くもなく寒くもなく、ツーリングには最高のコンディション。いい気分で走り始める。無理をしないで、自分のペースではじめは25km/hで体を慣らして行く、ゆっくり1時間......more
Tracked from 写真と空と自転車と at 2008-10-23 21:05
タイトル : しまなみ海道04 宮窪の獅子。 081012
10月のお題 「金風」 伯方島から伯方橋、大島大橋を渡って大島へ、威勢のいい太鼓の響きがどこからか風に乗って聞こえてくる。音につられるように走っていくと、山の上に向かって長い石段がつづく神社の前にでた。地元のお祭りだ。 下の方では力いっぱいバチを打ち付ける太鼓の音に合わせて、かつての若者達が激しい獅子舞を踊っている、「3番じゃない、4番」と太鼓に注文を出す、決まったリズムがあるらしい・・・・。愉しそうに舞うかつての若者達を本当の若者達が後ろで見守っている。獅子の頭飾りには多くの鈴が付い......more
10月のお題 「金風」 伯方島から伯方橋、大島大橋を渡って大島へ、威勢のいい太鼓の響きがどこからか風に乗って聞こえてくる。音につられるように走っていくと、山の上に向かって長い石段がつづく神社の前にでた。地元のお祭りだ。 下の方では力いっぱいバチを打ち付ける太鼓の音に合わせて、かつての若者達が激しい獅子舞を踊っている、「3番じゃない、4番」と太鼓に注文を出す、決まったリズムがあるらしい・・・・。愉しそうに舞うかつての若者達を本当の若者達が後ろで見守っている。獅子の頭飾りには多くの鈴が付い......more
Tracked from 木の気持 at 2008-10-23 23:45
タイトル : 秋の味
10月のお題 「金風」 私は きのこを採りに行くことはありません。 きのこについては まったく無知で 自分で採ったものは信用できません。 といっても、 料理されていれば、つい箸を出してしまいます。 わたしに毒を盛る事はたやすいことです、意味がありませんが。 一部の地域以外で 商品としては流通しないものは たくさんあります。 それが田舎の贅沢なのでしょう。 上の画像のきのこの名前知りません。 が、四枚目のきのこは 「大きかったから採ってきたの」とかみさん、夕食の......more
10月のお題 「金風」 私は きのこを採りに行くことはありません。 きのこについては まったく無知で 自分で採ったものは信用できません。 といっても、 料理されていれば、つい箸を出してしまいます。 わたしに毒を盛る事はたやすいことです、意味がありませんが。 一部の地域以外で 商品としては流通しないものは たくさんあります。 それが田舎の贅沢なのでしょう。 上の画像のきのこの名前知りません。 が、四枚目のきのこは 「大きかったから採ってきたの」とかみさん、夕食の......more
Tracked from 写真と空と自転車と at 2008-10-25 12:54
タイトル : しまなみ海道06 今治ー因島ー尾道 081012
10月のお題 「金風」 しまなみ海道を完走して、そのまま今治港まで走る。ここから高速艇で因島まで渡り、さらに乗り継いで尾道まで行けるのだ。走ってきた島々を見ながら、瀬戸内の狭い海峡をめぐって走るフェリーで帰るルートが今回のツーリングにはふさわしい。他のルートは・・・・。 ◯ 今治ー尾道は高速バスのしまなみライナーで1時間、これが一番速い、 ◯ 今治ー福山は高速バスで1時間30分、と言うのもあるがなんとも味けない、 ◯ ＪＲで今治から坂出経由、瀬戸大橋で岡山へ、これも2時間半もか......more
10月のお題 「金風」 しまなみ海道を完走して、そのまま今治港まで走る。ここから高速艇で因島まで渡り、さらに乗り継いで尾道まで行けるのだ。走ってきた島々を見ながら、瀬戸内の狭い海峡をめぐって走るフェリーで帰るルートが今回のツーリングにはふさわしい。他のルートは・・・・。 ◯ 今治ー尾道は高速バスのしまなみライナーで1時間、これが一番速い、 ◯ 今治ー福山は高速バスで1時間30分、と言うのもあるがなんとも味けない、 ◯ ＪＲで今治から坂出経由、瀬戸大橋で岡山へ、これも2時間半もか......more
Tracked from 木の気持 at 2008-10-25 21:02
タイトル : 秋の空気
10月のお題 「金風」 紅葉の写真は よく晴れたときの コントラスト高めがふさわしい。 秋晴れの 深い青空の光を透かした葉っぱは とてもきれいです。 でも 秋だからといって いつでも晴れているわけではありません。 秋雨前線というのもあるくらいだし。 こういう天気では 彩度高め、おまけにシャープ高めにしても限界があります。 素直に、今の空気が写ればまたそれもいいのだけど、 腕はいま一つ。 ...more
10月のお題 「金風」 紅葉の写真は よく晴れたときの コントラスト高めがふさわしい。 秋晴れの 深い青空の光を透かした葉っぱは とてもきれいです。 でも 秋だからといって いつでも晴れているわけではありません。 秋雨前線というのもあるくらいだし。 こういう天気では 彩度高め、おまけにシャープ高めにしても限界があります。 素直に、今の空気が写ればまたそれもいいのだけど、 腕はいま一つ。 ...more
Tracked from sunday noise.. at 2008-10-26 20:55 Tracked from sunday noise.. at 2008-10-26 21:08
タイトル : 土岐・妻木流鏑馬ツーリング ３
10月のお題 「金風」 「流鏑馬｣が終わり、坂の下の鳥居のところで、yayoigaokaさんのナビで競馬のTV観戦。TVのモニタのなかで、馬が走っていた。 案の定、京都も府中も大敗だった。さあー帰ろう、土岐駅まで。 Tm 2.55.47 Mx 41.0 Av. 16.3 Dst. 47.84 馬の写真ばかり、自転車の写真は一枚もなかった。ツーリングといっても、僅か三時間弱、47.84km。妻木お祭り滞在時間5時間以上。いつもの道草ツーリングだった。......more
10月のお題 「金風」 「流鏑馬｣が終わり、坂の下の鳥居のところで、yayoigaokaさんのナビで競馬のTV観戦。TVのモニタのなかで、馬が走っていた。 案の定、京都も府中も大敗だった。さあー帰ろう、土岐駅まで。 Tm 2.55.47 Mx 41.0 Av. 16.3 Dst. 47.84 馬の写真ばかり、自転車の写真は一枚もなかった。ツーリングといっても、僅か三時間弱、47.84km。妻木お祭り滞在時間5時間以上。いつもの道草ツーリングだった。......more
Tracked from 弥生が岡中学 at 2008-10-26 22:44
タイトル : 夕刻の上野公園 ｺﾞｯﾎ風・・
10月のお題 「金風」 久々の泊りがけ東京出張、ﾋﾞｼﾞﾈｽは早めに終了、「金風」を求めて夕方の上野公園に行った。日が短くなったこの季節、あっという間に暗闇に。ｺﾞｯﾎのｱﾙﾙの「夜のｶﾌｪﾃﾗｽ」みたいな店があった。ｶﾌｪではなく生ﾋﾞｰﾙ、少し冷えるがまだまだ露天が気持ちいい季節。わけもなくﾊﾟｿｺﾝを開くがこんなところで仕事するつもりはないけど。 08.10.23 ...more
10月のお題 「金風」 久々の泊りがけ東京出張、ﾋﾞｼﾞﾈｽは早めに終了、「金風」を求めて夕方の上野公園に行った。日が短くなったこの季節、あっという間に暗闇に。ｺﾞｯﾎのｱﾙﾙの「夜のｶﾌｪﾃﾗｽ」みたいな店があった。ｶﾌｪではなく生ﾋﾞｰﾙ、少し冷えるがまだまだ露天が気持ちいい季節。わけもなくﾊﾟｿｺﾝを開くがこんなところで仕事するつもりはないけど。 08.10.23 ...more
Tracked from 木の気持 at 2008-10-28 23:53
タイトル : 晴れました。
10月のお題 「金風」 晴れました。 うっすらと 雪化粧した峰々の姿がありました。 朝、陽を受けた そんな西駒を写せて喜んでいたのですが 昼 まちがってフォーマットしてしまいました。 昼休み、工業団地うえの 畑から山を眺めていたら ホバリングしながら何かを狙っている鳥がいました。 ずっと追いかけてみましたが 私の写真の腕と、カメラ、レンズの性能の限界です。 チョウゲンボウじゃないかと期待したのですが 確認できませんでした。 これからの季節、 雨のあとの......more
10月のお題 「金風」 晴れました。 うっすらと 雪化粧した峰々の姿がありました。 朝、陽を受けた そんな西駒を写せて喜んでいたのですが 昼 まちがってフォーマットしてしまいました。 昼休み、工業団地うえの 畑から山を眺めていたら ホバリングしながら何かを狙っている鳥がいました。 ずっと追いかけてみましたが 私の写真の腕と、カメラ、レンズの性能の限界です。 チョウゲンボウじゃないかと期待したのですが 確認できませんでした。 これからの季節、 雨のあとの......more
Tracked from 下坂中学校 写真部 Ⅱ at 2008-10-31 20:58 Tracked from 弥生が岡中学 at 2008-11-01 13:14
タイトル : 11月のお題「落葉」
10月のお題 「金風」 世界中がｸﾗｲｼｽ、うつむき加減のこの頃。 そんな雰囲気を吹っ飛ばすような季語でもないかと思うけど、季節は 晩秋、歳時記には景気を浮揚させるような言葉もあまりなし。雅な紅葉 もいいけどな。 経済活動もしばし静寂の構え。ここはひとつしっとりと行こうかと。 ということで11月のお題は「落葉」。 本日、東京に木枯らし1号が吹いたとか。 街中とか、田舎道とかいろんなｼﾁｭｴｰｼｮﾝにて宜しくお願いします。 ...more
10月のお題 「金風」 世界中がｸﾗｲｼｽ、うつむき加減のこの頃。 そんな雰囲気を吹っ飛ばすような季語でもないかと思うけど、季節は 晩秋、歳時記には景気を浮揚させるような言葉もあまりなし。雅な紅葉 もいいけどな。 経済活動もしばし静寂の構え。ここはひとつしっとりと行こうかと。 ということで11月のお題は「落葉」。 本日、東京に木枯らし1号が吹いたとか。 街中とか、田舎道とかいろんなｼﾁｭｴｰｼｮﾝにて宜しくお願いします。 ...more
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Hi there, what's up you guys???
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I am not young enough to know everything.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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